funny how days turn into a month or more huh?
well right to it then.
i’ve been in one hell of a funky mood for the few weeks. i’m human…i get in moods sometimes. usually every couple of months and only for a day or so. i get really pissy…clown almost everyone…turn off my oral filter and let the chips lie where they may. i might apologize if i’ve said or done anything that is way too out of character for my normal positive and chipper self…and then i’m good. not this time.
i did a cleanse a couple of weeks ago. a protein/cleanse/purge thing that a friend suggested. she had gone through it and said it did wonders for her so what the hell. i decided to do it right. for nine days while taking on this effort in physical betterment (that is a word right? cause it sounded really good) there was no drinking…and no smoking. thats right i said it…no smoking. nothing. nope…not that either. i’m really dont get mentally addicted to many things. so these werent difficult to break from…especially for a measly nine days. close to the end of this undertaking however i found myself on edge. things that i would normally let go off in a matter of minutes began taking seed and truly disturbing my consciousness. festering even.
my e-friends caught the brunt of it…my e-”i never really liked you anyway”s caught some as well. funny thing…those i love…my family and friends just seem to just make me feel better at least momentarily.
i thought maybe it was my body going through a withdrawl but have since resumed my regular bad habits and this funk is still lingering…only growing.
i find myself peturbed that the world isnt making the changes it should be making quicker than its making them. that society is made up of individuals…and we’re all responsible for where we are and why we arent closer to a better place than we are right now. that the youth feel their 15-25 years on this planet has given them some great insight and should earn them respect from their elders. i’m peturbed at the stagnant myspace/facebook and twitter bullshit. quite frankly even the blackberry curve that was such a joy to possess just 4 months ago is making me sick.
i feel like a rat in a cage designed so vast as to give me the illusion of freedom…but i’ve just bumped into a glass wall and discovered that in truth i am not free. i feel caged in my own freaking skin.
change…oh i pray change can get me out of this mood because if not i may have to pay someone to help me find out where this is coming from and the idea of going through that process only pisses me off even more.
i’m lost people. its times like this that having someone you can speak to…even if not for answers more so than the knowledge that there is at least ONE other person out there that understands what you are going through…really helps. i thought this would help. writing it down. putting it out to the world. how could it really? i dont know anyone thats reading this…hell i dont know if ANYONE is actually reading this or ever will. lol…wow…that put a smile on my face.
you know i once saw a movie…the big bounce…where al freeman told owen wilson (i believe) “god is just an imaginary friend for grown people”. perhaps you phantom readers are mine. imaginary friends…god…whichever you choose…lol.
